I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
