I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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