The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
