I don't usually arrange sex via text message
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
