Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
