shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
