:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
you inspire me to be a worse person
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
