FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
