I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
