all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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