Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
