i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
