You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
