I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
