Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Randomize
