I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
my being single is dangerous.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
