My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
3 2 1 whiskey
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
