Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize