Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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