It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
