Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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