chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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