how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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