If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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