Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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