Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Randomize
