I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
