The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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