I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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