I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
