My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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