Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
