the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
