Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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