Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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