my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
