the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
