If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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