but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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