should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
