Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
