you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
