Non-Jews are for practice
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
