one might say we're banned from that church
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
