You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
