Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
