seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
