She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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