Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Randomize
