I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
