I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
