Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
