oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
