I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
