You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize