I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
