i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
