he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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