let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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