We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
