Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
