I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
