guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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