i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
