That's intense
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
