And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
