I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
