So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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