I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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