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The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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