so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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