I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
