Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
