well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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