Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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