Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The beers last night were like the tears from god
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
