Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
it was like eating out sand paper
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
